“Many people beat around the bush until it starts to stink”.
Anke Maggauer-Kirsche (*1948), German poet, aphorist and former carer for the elderly in Switzerland
I am tired: not physically, but mentally even more so. I understand why people make life so difficult for themselves and others. Nevertheless, the effects wear me down. Pointless discussions, like shadow fights to hide the real causes, drain a lot of my energy. I am really tired, can hardly muster any understanding and that, although I understand why it is so. My willingness to be patient, to give to my fellow human beings with generous, emphatic behaviour is exhausted. I no longer want to discuss the weather when it is not about the weather. I no longer want to justify my decisions, especially when they are questioned out of personal fears. If someone criticises me rationally and justifiably, I am grateful. If someone wants to use me for their own shortcomings, then I fight back. This works very well in individual cases: unfortunately not in a group. The group is then instrumentalised as a host. It is precisely this great characteristic, the so-called group dynamic, that is actually wonderful for shirking personal responsibility. The group becomes a dustbin, is supposed to fix everything, is supposed to conjure up changes so that those with problems don’t need to change. This is what happens every day in many companies, families, associations and institutions: long live the classic instrumentalisation. If you try to dissolve this, if you address it directly in the group, you are the bad guy. You can hardly expect much success in getting anywhere. The whole group turns against you; another opportunity to address the real causes of the conflict situations moves further away. Hooray, I say – super success for the Trubelmakers – their goal has been achieved: bash each other’s heads in, change the whole world and I’ll be better off because of it. The crucial question is: are they better off? In the short term, perhaps; in the long run, certainly not.
I am really tired of playing these games. What can I do to improve my situation? Wait patiently until my dear ones get so lost that they checkmate themselves. Isn’t that mean? Yes, it is – they are mean to me too.
